


There Is a There

by MouseBouse



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bittersweet Ending, Ghost!Magnus, Hopeful Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, M/M, Ouija
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 05:43:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6599032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MouseBouse/pseuds/MouseBouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec Lightwood did not believe in ghosts. He also didn’t believe in werewolves, vampires, magic, any of it. He didn’t believe in things that couldn’t be scientifically proven.<br/>Alec Lightwood did <em>not</em> believe in ghosts. Yet today, he bought a Ouija board.</p><p>In which Alec gets an unexpected and very dead roommate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Because I live alone and on more than one occasion weird things have happened with my laptop – liked posts on [Tumblr](http://mousebouse.tumblr.com) that I _know_ I didn’t like, Hercules (the movie) inexplicably downloaded onto my hard drive (completely legally, of course), general ‘I’m the only one using this thing, how did this get here’ shenanigans…

Alec Lightwood did not believe in ghosts. He also didn’t believe in werewolves, vampires, magic, any of it. He didn’t believe in things that couldn’t be scientifically proven.

Alec Lightwood did _not_ believe in ghosts. Yet today, he bought a Ouija board.

 

It had all started a few months ago. 

The first time it happened, Alec thought it was an accident. It had been late at night when he’d gone to bed, and he might have forgotten to turn his laptop off, leaving it on the antique desk he got the previous week. What? He liked old things, and it suited the creepy-old-castle vibe he was going for with the apartment.

The second time it happened, he didn’t have an excuse. He packed his bag, clicked the button on the laptop, _saw_ the “Shutting down” message… Yet when he returned to the loft two hours later, the damn thing was on, and there were a dozen Wikipedia articles in his browser history.

After that, he made sure to stay next to the laptop until it was completely off. For a while, nothing happened, so he ascribed those two incidents to his imagination – he just hadn’t actually turned the computer off, that was all.

Next came the TV shows. His Netflix history was suddenly full of weird European shows he knew he’d never seen. He called his sister and demanded that she stop using his account. She claimed it hadn’t been her.

Then there were the books. His bookshelves were organized quite simply: size, publisher, author, title. So what was Sáenz doing between two Martin’s? He fixed the order quickly, deciding that changing the lock on his door might be a good idea. Although why someone would break into his apartment and not steal anything, instead just mess his stuff up, was beyond him.

Alec mentioned all this to a friend yesterday. She said he should look into cleansing rituals, because _you never know who might have died in that loft_. When he mentioned that he was the first person to ever live there, as the building was only recently finished, she shrugged and said that she still thought it might be a ghost.

 

All that has led him to tonight. Yes, he was using a Ouija board at _night_.

He’d already Googled the instructions for using the board this morning, and even though he still most certainly _did not_ believe in ghosts, the first one made him feel uneasy for a second. _Never play alone!_ , the website warned him. Then again, if there _was_ a spirit here, he wouldn’t be alone, per se. And if there wasn’t, it wouldn’t matter whether he was alone, nothing would happen. 

After placing his newly acquired spirit board on the floor – isn’t that what they do in the movies before someone inevitably gets killed? – he takes a deep breath and starts. 

“Is someone here?” He asks aloud, noticing the slight tremble of his fingers as he positions them on the planchette.

This is a waste of time, Alec knows that. There isn’t anyone here, it’s just him and his newfound superstition and nothing will happen.

Except it does.

Suddenly, the planchette starts moving, and Alec swears he’s not pushing it, but maybe he is, so he removes his hands from it, but it’s still moving and _what is happening_?

The pointer positions itself on top of the word _No_. 

Is… is this… he refused to call it a ghost, but is this _entity_ being sarcastic?

“Ummm… Was that a joke?” This time, the question is quiet, his voice unsteady.

The pointer moves to _Yes_.

And then it keeps moving.

“What… what are you doing?” Alec asks, glancing to the space across the board from him, as if he could see someone there, before looking back down to follow the arrow. “L--- A--- P--- T--- what, laptop?”

The arrow jerks back to _Yes_.

“What about it?”

 _O---N_.

“Uh, okay,” he mumbles as he gets up from the floor and takes his laptop from the desk, situating himself next to the board once more. He opens the lid and presses the power button before placing the computer on the floor next to him. 

“What now?” He asks and he still can’t believe he’s actually talking to… _who_ was he talking to, exactly? “Who are you?”

Nothing. The pointer stays still, there are no noises or flickering lights or whatever else people say they’ve experienced during Ouija sessions. 

He looks at the laptop and that’s when something _does_ happen. The cursor moves across the screen and a program window shows up.

“Notepad, really?” Alec rolls his eyes, “how very 90s of you.” 

He sees the keys being pressed and letters showing up on screen and…

_Easier than the board._

“Who are you?” Alec repeats his question from earlier.

_Magnus Bane._

A name. He didn’t expect a name. He expected ‘ _a demon that wants to devour your soul_.’ 

“I’m Alec. Lightwood.”

_I know. Nice to meet you._

Alec thinks back to the instructions. _Evil spirits contacted through the Ouija board will try to win your confidence with false flattery and lies._ Not that ‘ _nice to meet you_ ’ was flattery, it was just what you were supposed to say when people introduce themselves. Still, it made him a bit uncomfortable.

 _You okay?_

Was he _okay_? He was talking to _air_ , for god’s sake, he was obviously _not_ okay. 

“I don’t… Why are you here?”

_You brought me here._

“What?”

_The desk._

Alec glances at the dark mahogany desk he’d bought right before all this started. “What about it?”

_It was mine. I died right next to it._

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

_It’s not like I didn’t know I was dead. And I’ve had enough time to accept it._

“How… how did you die? Or when?”

_The end of the 18th century. I was ill. Some people called it demon pox where I’m from, but the name today is smallpox._

“Still, what does that have to do with the desk?”

_I don’t know. Somehow, my spirit attached itself to it, and I’ve been going wherever it went for over two hundred years._

“And you can’t leave?”

_I haven’t found a way yet. Besides, where would I go? I’m dead, Alexander._

Alec watches as the spirit, Magnus, types his full name. Or, rather, he watches as the keys move without anything solid touching them. 

“I---“ Whatever he was going to say was interrupted by the doorbell. “Ugh, hold on.”

He is only gone for a minute – someone was looking for the couple living across the hall and accidentally came to his door – but when he comes back and calls for Magnus, there is no reply, the planchette stays still, the keyboard silent. The only evidence of the conversation that took place are the words still on the bright computer screen, and Alec would be lying if he said he doesn’t want to keep the document. Still, when prompted, he clicks _Don’t Save_ , the words that his ghost, yes, _his_ , had typed disappearing forever.


	2. Chapter 2

It’s been four days since his conversation with Magnus. Not that Alec was counting, of course. 

The apartment looked the same in the morning, before he left for work, and in the evening, when he got back. Only a week ago, he would’ve been ecstatic to see that no books had been moved, no weird websites looked at, but now, for reasons unknown, it made him… sad? Worried? Disappointed?

He’d tried contacting the spirit several times after that night, by leaving messages on his laptop or through the Ouija board. He read that he was supposed to move the planchette to _Goodbye_ to close off the connection at the end of a session, but he hasn’t done it yet, he’d just moved the board to the desk, worried he would accidentally step on it if it stayed on the floor. He didn’t want to stop talking to Magnus, which was probably the stupidest thing he’d ever even thought about, since technically, we wasn’t really talking to anyone real. Ghosts were _not_ real. 

Alec would have laughed at the skepticism that didn’t seem to go away even after _experiencing_ something inexplicable, had doubt not filled his mind once again. Had he really talked to Magnus? Maybe he’d just had a very, very realistic dream. Maybe he had been hallucinating. Maybe… 

Maybe the paranormal _did_ exist.

But if that was the case, where was his paranormal roommate now?

“Magnus?” He tried again. “Come on, just let me know you’re okay.” How could a dead person be okay, he wondered. Then again, how could they _not_ be? They didn’t really have anything to worry about, did they?

For a few seconds, nothing happened. He was just about to give up and do something productive for a difference, when he heard a scraping sound and turned to see the pointer of the board moving.

 _No_.

“No, what? No, you’re not okay?” Alec felt his breath catch. “What’s wrong?” He asked, wondering why he felt so worried.

_T---I---R---E---D._

He noticed that it was taking Magnus a lot longer to move the planchette today than it had last time. But still... “How can you be tired? You’re dead,” he said, his tone light, not unkind.

No reply. 

“Magnus?”

Still nothing.

“Did I just offend you? If so, I apologize.” For someone who didn’t believe in ghosts, Alec sure had an interesting way of showing it. “Magnus, _please_.”

 

Magnus stayed silent for two more days, his presence undetectable. It made Alec wonder if he’d really offended him. Not that he cared. Why would he care about the hurt feelings of some supernatural being? He decided not to think about it anymore. Of course, deciding not to do something and actually not doing it weren’t the same thing.

That night, just as he clicked _Send_ on an e-mail to his boss, the cursor started moving of its own accord.

“Magnus,” he breathed, the relief in his voice obvious.

Once again, the man, ghost, spirit, whatever, pulled up an empty document and Alec read the words that showed on his screen.

_I’m sorry._

Why was he apologizing? “What for?”

_Not talking to you._

“Where have you been?”

_I'm here._

“The other day you said you were tired. Tired of what? Or tired _from_ what?”

_Moving things, typing, all of it… It weakened me._

“Why did you do it, then?”

_You wanted to talk._

“Is there something you can do to, I don’t know, fuel up?” He asked, ignoring the warmth that spread in his chest from knowing Magnus used up his energy just to give Alec what he wanted. 

He stared at the flashing text cursor, willing it to move. Finally, after a full minute of Alec staring at the screen and the screen staring back at him, Magnus started typing.

_I can stop doing this._

“You mean talking to me?”

_Yes._

“Do you want to stop?”

_No._

Just then, Alec realized that that was all he wanted to hear. Or read, as it were. They continued talking, Alec out loud and Magnus through the laptop, until Alec noticed the typing had slowed down, the wait for Magnus’s replies longer.

“We should call it a night,” he said.

_Why?_

If the screen were capable of pouting, Alec was sure it would be doing it right now.

“I think you’ve exerted yourself enough for one day. You should rest, gather some strength. We’ll talk tomorrow,” he promised.

_Okay._

Then.

_Good night, Alexander._

“Good night, Magnus,” Alec whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

They did talk tomorrow. And the day after that. Before he knew it, Alec had been talking to Magnus for two weeks. Each day, they tested Magnus’s limits, and each day, those limits moved further, giving him more time before he had to rest. They also tested how close to the desk Magnus had to be. Those limits never moved any further than the ten meters away that Magnus already knew he could get, but it was enough to move through the living room/study and bedroom of Alec's apartment.

Alec didn’t tell anyone about Magnus. How could he? They would either think he was completely insane, or, even worse, want to experience it for themselves. His friend _did_ ask him once about the ghost situation he’d mentioned to her. He said that it had stopped happening, and that it had probably just been his imagination due to high stress levels. She seemed to buy it.

After those two weeks, Alec realized he didn’t really know much about Magnus, even with talking every day. Mostly, the spirit had been the one asking the questions, either about Alec’s life or about life in the 21st century in general. 

All Alec knew about him, on the other hand, could be summed up in three sentences: He knew when and how Magnus died. He knew that Magnus liked reading contemporary novels Alec owned. He knew that Magnus liked _him_.

Not that that last one had ever been said by either of them, but he could feel it. Mostly in the flirty comments Magnus would type occasionally, for instance when Alec walked around the apartment after a shower, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, water dripping from his hair and onto his chest.

(Alec had asked him once if he watched him in the shower or when he was changing.

_I don’t. That would be creepy._

“You’re a ghost, you’re _supposed_ to be creepy.”

 _So you_ want me _to watch you?_ )

He knew he shouldn’t be enjoying the fact that Magnus liked him as much as he did. He knew he shouldn’t even be thinking about Magnus like that. He shouldn’t be thinking about Magnus at all. (There was a part of his brain that still refused to believe he was real, it still expected to wake up one morning and find out he’d been in a coma for months or something, and all this had been a drug-induced hallucination.)

One day, he sat with his laptop in what he’d started to think of as their usual position. He was on his bed (yes, he let a ghost into his bed), his back against the headboard, the laptop on his thighs and turned just slightly to the right, so that Magnus could reach it, but Alec himself could still read what was on the screen. From what he understood, the spirit would mirror his position next to him. He tried reaching toward him once, thinking that maybe he would feel something, like a cold spot where Magnus sat. Instead, there had been nothing. Which, once again, made him feel slightly worried about his, shall we say, _stability_.

Before Magnus could start typing, he said, “I’m asking the questions today.”

_Why?_

“Because you never tell me anything.”

_There’s not much to tell._

“Magnus, you’re a _ghost_ bound to a _desk_. I feel like there has to be a story behind that.”

Said ghost seemed to be thinking about what he should share, if his starting and then deleting the words was any indication. Finally, though, he let them flow out of him.

_I would make my parents angry a lot when I was growing up. It had something to do with the way I looked. Anyway, they would_

He stopped for a second and Alec prompted, “They would what?”

_They would show me how bad my behavior was._

For a second, Alec wasn’t sure what he meant. Then he realized. “Oh. They… they beat you? Magnus, I’m so sorry.”

_Not your fault._

Before Alec could respond, he continued his story.

_When they would finally leave me alone, I would hide under that desk. It was big, sturdy, it made me feel safe. It’s silly, and I was too old for that. It would be like you now looked to a teddy bear for comfort, but it helped. So when I died, my spirit probably wanted to feel safe again._

Alec was silent for a moment, waiting to see if Magnus would say anything else. When he didn’t, Alec spoke.

“What was wrong with how you looked?”

_This was the 1700s. People, especially those of my family’s social status, were expected to act and dress a certain way._

“I know that, that’s the time of, like, those ugly breeches and woolen stockings, right?”

_Yes.  
I was my parents’ only son, I was supposed to be masculinity incarnated in order to continue the family line. But I preferred other things. I enjoyed colors and patterns and jewels, all of which was mostly associated with women. And I never shied away from showing affection to any gender, which, again, wasn’t the norm, at least not in public._

They both kept quiet for a moment, until Alec asked, “If you could untie yourself from that desk, would you?”

_I don’t know. I’m used to it. But I suppose it would be nice to be able to go out, feel the fresh air and see all these modern things I’ve read about._

“Magnus?” Alec turned to his right, looking to where he assumed the other’s face would be if he could see him. “I promise I’ll find a way to help you.”

_Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Alexander._

“I never do.”

 

“How old were you when you died?” Alec asked one day, weeks later. Since that time Magnus told him about his family, they steered clear of the topic, instead focusing on their search for a way to disconnect Magnus from the offending object.

_Twenty-three._

“So I’m older than you?”

_I’ve been floating around for 200 years, you’re not older than me._

“You float? I thought you walked, y’know, like a person.”

_I don’t have a body, I can’t exactly walk._

“What do you mean, you don’t have a body? Aren’t you just, like, invisible?”

_How are you only asking me this after two months?  
I can touch objects and make them move, I can feel my body, but I can’t see it._

“I still don’t understand how you can type all that, but I can’t feel your touch.”

When Magnus didn’t respond, Alec added, cautiously, “You _have_ tried touching me, right?”

_No?_

“What? Never? Not even when I tried to see if I could feel _you_?”

 _I tried it over a century ago, when they first came to my house and moved the desk. I touched the man who was moving it, moving_ me _with it, I tried punching him so he’d leave me alone, but it didn’t work._

“But it’s been a century. You should try again.”

_Alec._

“Please.”

_Okay._

Alec closed his eyes, trying to focus on feeling every single nerve ending in his body, willing them all to feel Magnus’s touch. He stayed still, waiting, for a second, for a minute, for what felt like hours. When nothing happened, he opened his eyes.

“Magnus?”

_You didn’t feel it._

It wasn’t a question.

“Feel what?”

Magnus didn’t reply.


	4. Chapter 4

“Is it possible to fall for someone you’ve never seen?”

_What do you mean?_

Alec debated for a second before saying, “Do you think you can love someone without knowing what they look like?”

_Why do you ask?_

“You know why.”

 _What do_ you _think?_

“I don’t think anything, I _know_ the answer.”

 

Alec came home one day to find his laptop turned on, and seven different tabs loaded in the browser, waiting for him.

All the websites talked about the same thing – tying two people together. Connecting their souls, their essences, their life force, whatever you wanted to call it. They all talked about the possibility of it working, but nowhere did he see a way to actually do it.

Until he got to the last one. _One spell that is believed to bring spirits from the dead requires a willing participant to allow the spirit entrance. Once they establish contact, the person must offer to share their life force with the spirit, which is done through the following incantation. (Both Latin and English versions are given here, it is left to the person performing the ritual to choose between them.) If the spirit is already bound to another person or object, that connection will be severed._

“Magnus!”

_Yes, darling?_

Alec smiled at the nickname. Magnus had started using pet names for him a while ago, and he couldn’t say he didn’t like them. He’d like them more if he could _hear_ them instead of seeing them, though.

“Do you really think this could work?”

_It might. But we don’t have to if you don’t want it._

“Why wouldn’t I?”

_Didn’t you read the last part?_

“I--- I was excited. Hold on,” he says and quickly scans the final paragraph of the text. _The essence of the person reciting the incantation will unite with that of the spirit, essentially making them one. They will share a heartbeat and breathing patterns. Once it returns to its corporeal form, the spirit can move freely, and can leave the person it is connected to, but their souls will stay tied._

“Okay. Again, why wouldn’t I want to do it? Do you plan on leaving me as soon as you get your body back?”

_Of course not._

“Then let’s do it.”

 

An hour later, Alec had printed out the incantation and was standing next to his bed reading through it, the laptop next to him.

“This sounds like I’m offering myself as sacrifice to Satan or something,” he said out loud, knowing that Magnus was listening.

_You_ are _offering yourself as sacrifice. Just not to the Devil._

“Still, it’s a bit weird.”

_Are you having second thoughts?_

“More like twelfth ones,” he chuckled nervously. “I don’t know what to expect.”

_That makes two of us._

“Okay, I’ll start now.”

_Wait!_

“Hmm?”

_If this doesn’t work, if something goes wrong, you should know that_

“Don’t! Don’t you dare say it now! Not like this. I know, okay, I feel the same way, but I don’t want either of us to say it just because we might die.”

_I’m already dead, Alec._

“You know what I mean.”

Magnus was quiet for a moment, before typing, _Alright then. You can begin._

Alec looked at the paper in his hand and started reading.

“I, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, invoke the spirit of Magnus Bane.” He paused when he noticed another line of text appear on the screen,

_Gideon? Really?_

He ignored Magnus’s comment and went on. 

“Magnus Bane. I offer you my strength, take what you need of it to join this corporeal plane. I offer you my heart, use it to make your own beat again. I offer you my life, let it help you live once more.”

Alec looked around, expectant, hoping to see something, anything, happen. Nothing did.

“Magnus?”

Still nothing.

Before Alec could start to panic, though, a wave of immense pain hit him and knocked him back toward the bed. He didn’t know what dying felt like, but he was pretty sure this was it. He couldn’t breathe and his hand moved to his throat as if he could move whatever it was that was choking him. As he touched his neck, he realized breathing might be the least of his worries – he could barely feel his own heartbeat, the complete opposite of what he’d expect given the way his head was pulsing. He wheezed, lungs still not taking in any air, and his vision started going fuzzy at the edges, until finally, it went completely black, his body falling on top of the covers, the pain stopping.


	5. Chapter 5

When Alec wakes up, he is lying on the bed, a blanket which definitely wasn’t there before pulled up to his chest. He looks at the clock on the bedside table and notices it’s been two hours since the failed spell. Or has it failed? 

“Magnus?” He calls out, waiting for a signal from the spirit.

When there is no response, he gets up and walks over to the kitchen, following a delicious smell in the air.

“Magnus, what’s happe---“ He is stunned speechless when he sees a man standing next to the stove. They were about the same height, though Magnus was a bit skinnier. His dark brown hair was swept to one side, his skin complimented by Alec’s white shirt. Wait, _Alec’s_ shirt? 

Magnus notices his eyes widen. “This seemed a bit more appropriate then the velvet suit I woke up in,” he says, gesturing to his outfit, and now Alec can see that he is wearing his jeans, as well. “I hope you don’t mind.”

Alec doesn’t mind. Alec very much does _not_ mind. He doesn’t mind Magnus wearing his clothes, and he definitely doesn’t mind the man’s voice. Oh, _God_ , that voice!

“So it worked?” he asks, although he can see that it has.

“Yup. It feels weird, though. It might take some getting used to,” Magnus replies and turns back to his cooking. Alec takes the opportunity to look him over once again. For a two-hundred-year-old (or two-hundred-year- _dead_ ) man, he was _hot_!

“Are you hungry?” Magnus asks, snapping him back to reality. “I’m _starving_!”

“You haven’t eaten in a while, it’s understandable,” Alec quirks a smile. “What are you making?”

“Pancakes,” he answers just as he flips the last one in the air.

“Those are too thin to be pancakes.”

“Not the American version. These are European-style pancakes.”

“I don’t like them.”

“You haven’t even tried them, Alec.”

“Neither have you.”

“But I know they’ll be great. _I_ made them.”

Alec rolls his eyes but accepts the defeat.

“Okay, but I have a question,” he says, leaning against the counter.

Magnus turns the stove off and looks at him. “Yes?”

“Cooking? _That’s_ the first thing you wanted to do after getting your body back?”

He gets a chuckle for that, and then, “There _was_ another thing I wanted to do, but you were unconscious.”

“What?” Alec asks.

Instead of answering, Magnus crosses the distance between them in one long stride and puts his lips on Alec’s, the latter’s eyebrows rising in confusion even as his eyes close.

“You felt it this time,” Magnus says as he pulls away, the kiss having only lasted a second. 

Alec’s brain is working overtime. He had just tied his life force to a ghost. A ghost that he’d started talking to through a freaking _Ouija board_. A ghost of a random guy who lived two centuries ago. A guy he knew nothing about. And who could, if the websites he’d consulted were right, kill him now and take the rest of that life force. A guy who just kissed him. A guy who liked him and whom he liked back. Whom he _more than liked_ back.

“Alec, is everything okay? You look like a deer in the headlights,” Magnus says, taking a step back, obviously worried he might have misjudged the situation, but still happy for correctly using a modern expression. Alec _does_ look terrified.

Alec blinks several times, rapidly, before pulling himself out of his thoughts and replying all in one breath. “Why is that a synonym for a scared person? Have you ever seen a deer in the headlights? I have. Once, I was driving to my parents’ house and this deer was casually crossing the road in front of me, and it stopped right in the middle so I couldn’t go around it. And then it fucking smirked at me, I swear! A deer in the headlights is not afraid, it’s a dick!” 

Magnus laughs then, and it makes goosebumps rise over Alec’s entire body. It’s such a sweet sound, not just the laughter, but his voice, even his _breathing_. “Wow, such a mouth on you, boy,” he says, and smirks, (not unlike that deer had,) and Alec can’t stop himself.

He raises a hand to the back of Magnus’s neck and pulls him forward, making him stumble a bit before bracing himself with both hands on Alec’s chest. Their lips meet and Alec feels a gasp leave Magnus’s mouth before the man starts moving, his head cocking slightly to the side, his hands sliding up from Alec’s chest to frame his face.

Putting his other hand on Magnus’s hip, he guides them to the nearby wall and pushes Magnus up against it before running a hand through his hair and tugging hard. Magnus moans quietly and bites Alec’s lip in retaliation, his hands moving from Alec’s face and to his belt loops to pull him closer.

Alec’s mouth moves from his and he kisses and nips across his jaw and down his throat, stopping at the vein there to feel the racing pulse that matched his own, beat for beat. He chuckles then, and Magnus looks at him blankly.

“What?” He asks.

“I can feel how much you want this,” Alec responds, his eyes focusing on Magnus’s lips again.

“Don’t be crude!” Magnus slaps his chest playfully, a grin on his face.

“Not _that_! Although, yes, I can feel that, too, but…” He drifts off.

“You feel what I feel, don’t you?” Magnus inquires, even though he knows the answer. “It’s not just our heartbeats that are connected, it’s everything, emotions, desires---“

“So you _desire_ me?” Alec asks, smirking, one eyebrow raised at Magnus.

“Don’t act so smug, you want the same thing! I can feel it, too.”

“Why don’t you do something about it, then?” Alec taunts, and Magnus does.

 

Later, Alec looks to the right side of his bed and finally _sees_ Magnus there. He raises their interlaced hands to his mouth to kiss the back of Magnus’s gently.

“You know, for someone who hasn’t done that in centuries, you sure do know what you’re doing,” he says, his voice teasing.

Magnus huffs out a laugh. “For someone who hasn’t done that since I got here, you do, too.”

“Why do you think that I haven’t?”

“Alec, you spend all of your free time talking to me.”

He looks like he wants to justify himself for a second before settling for, “Fair enough.”

“I’m pretty sure our pancakes are cold,” Magnus says, moving to get out of bed before being stopped by Alec’s voice.

“What did you mean earlier? When you said that I ‘ _felt it this time_ ’?” 

“Remember when you wanted to know if I could touch you? I kissed you then and you didn’t feel it.”

Alec sat up to reach Magnus and put a quick kiss on his lips. "Well, I'm definitely glad I can feel it now."


	6. Chapter 6

For a while, everything was okay. Better than okay, really, everything was perfect.

Not much changed in the months following Magnus getting a physical body. Well, apart from the obvious. There were a lot of touches, hands squeezed in passing, kisses on the cheek when one of them was leaving the apartment, that sort of thing. But what they both felt stayed the same. They wanted what they had to last, and they knew it would.

Alec could finally tell people about Magnus, and his sister came over one day to meet this mysterious boyfriend who was suddenly living with her brother. She approved. Very much so.

It felt wonderful not to have to worry about whether it would be one of the days when talking would be too exhausting for Magnus’s spirit, to feel Magnus next to him, to have someone to come home to.

For a while, everything was okay.

And then, it wasn’t.

 

“ALEC!” Magnus yelled from the couch, despite the fact that Alec was standing not five feet from him.

Alec turned and saw his boyfriend (and wow, did it feel great to call him that) staring at the laptop screen, his eyes glassy, filled with tears. “Babe? What’s wrong?” He rushed to Magnus’s side to see what he was looking at.

Magnus had stumbled back to the website that told them how to intertwine their souls and separate him from the desk that his spirit had been bound to. “I’m so sorry, Alec, I swear I didn’t know!”

“What didn’t you know?” Alec asked, glancing at the page. And then he saw it.

_The participant of the incantation will share their life force with the spirit they invite. This is not limited to pulse, breathing, and pain, but to their life expectancy. For example, if the person has twenty more years to live, after uniting with the spirit, their remaining time will half itself, leaving them with ten years. Once the person dies, the spirit will be released and will move on to the afterlife._

“I didn’t see it before, I’m sorry, I swear I’ll find a way for us to disconnect,” Magnus tells him, but Alec shushes him by pulling him close.

“I don’t care. I don’t care if I live fifty more years, or twenty-five, or two.”

“Alec, don’t say that.”

“I mean it, Magnus. As long as you’re here, I’m okay.”

 

Magnus didn’t want Alec to be _okay_. He wanted him to be _happy_. But how could he be when his sorta-kinda-dead boyfriend was leeching off of him, literally?

So he kept up his research, determined to find a way to let Alec live his life to the fullest, while still being near him. He wouldn't let him lose half of his life, not because of Magnus.

There was nothing. No spell or incantation or prayer that would untie their souls. Well, none that they would both survive, anyway.

Alec was sitting at his desk one day before being called into the bedroom by Magnus. There, he was greeted by a handful of the man who threw his arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. “Wow, what’s gotten into you?”

Magnus looked at him for a second before saying, “ _I release you._ ”

“What?” Alec glared at him.

“I found a way to unbound us. It’s incredibly simple, really. We just both have to say that we release each other, and then I’ll be gone.”

“What do you mean, gone?”

“I’ll go wherever it is dead people go. So come on, just… just say it so you can get your essence back,” Magnus replied, trying to get Alec to say it before realizing what it would mean for them. For him. Because he knew that once he _did_ realize it, he'd say---

“No.”

There it was. Still, he played dumb. “No, what?”

“No, I’m not doing it.”

“Alexan---“

“Don’t. I… I don’t want you to leave.”

“You deserve to live, Alec.” How could he not see that Magnus only wanted the best for him? The best, in this case, was being alive.

“So do you!”

“I’ve lived long enough.”

“No, you haven’t! You lived for twenty-three years!”

“And then I was a ghost for another two hundred! Alec, I _will not_ keep draining your life force if there is a way for you to get it back!”

“Magnus, I don’t want it, okay? I want you!”

“Well, maybe I don’t want _you_!” That was low. Magnus _knew_ that was low.

Alec recoiled. “You... you don’t mean that.”

“I want the guy I fell in love with, Alec. The guy who was terrified of the unknown but wanted to see it nonetheless. The guy who wouldn’t let anything stop him from getting what he deserves.”

“That hasn’t changed. I’m not letting anyone stop me from getting what I deserve. In this case, _you_.”

Magnus wasn't sure if that meant he was the thing Alec deserved, or that he was the one stopping him from getting it. Both, most likely. “What you deserve is a _normal life_ , Alexander. A long life, a happy life, not one where you’ll have to worry about me all the time because you feel everything that happens to me!” He grabbed Alec by the wrist then, pushing his sleeve up to reveal a nasty burn mark on his forearm, before doing the same to his own to show a matching one. “This was my fault! I’m the one who wasn’t careful, and now you will have to carry that scar forever because I screwed up! I don’t want that for you, Alec.”

Alec pulled his arm back. "It's just one burn, don't make a big deal out of it!"

"I'm not making a big deal out of that, Alec, I'm making a big deal out of the fact that you unknowingly, _unwillingly_ gave away years of your life because of me! Because guess what, it _is_ a big fucking deal! It's a big deal whether you'll live for twenty more years, or forty! I refuse to be the reason behind your untimely death, Alexander!

“It’s not your decision to make, Magnus!”

 

After that, things between the two were tense. Incredibly so. 

They both went about their daily lives, Alec going to work early and coming home late, Magnus exploring the city and the new age he’d suddenly gotten a chance to see up close. When they were together, they would kiss, and cuddle, and talk, carefully avoiding the subject. They could feel the gap between them growing. Neither one would change their mind, though. Alec wanted Magnus to live, no matter the cost. Magnus wanted the same.

Finally, a few weeks later, as they sat on the couch one afternoon, Magnus spoke.

“I’m sorry.”

Alec looked at him, squinting. “What for?”

“Forcing you to release me,” he said. “I want to be with you, Alec, I really do, but I don’t think it’s fair to you.”

Alec took a deep breath and replied, “It’s _not_ fair. It’s not fair that I have to choose between the love of my life and that life itself.”

“The love of your life?” Magnus seemed genuinely surprised.

“Obviously.” He continued, “But I understand where you were coming from. And I understand that it would be better for both of us if I rel--- if I did what you suggested.” He ended carefully, avoiding the exact words that would break their binds. “So how about we enjoy tonight, and then tomorrow…”

He didn’t finish the sentence. He couldn’t.

 

It didn’t happen tomorrow. He’d tried, but his voice cracked in the middle of the word, and Magnus kissed him then and… 

And it’s been two more weeks since then.

And with every passing day, Magnus wanted to stay more and more, despite how unfair it was to Alec. But Alec wanted him to stay, too, so really, they were both to blame.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter is here!
> 
> Thank you for the sweet comments that made me squeal and blush, and I hope this won't break too many hearts! <3

On the anniversary of the ritual that bound them together, they were both standing in the middle of their loft, the lights dimmed, the atmosphere sorrowful. They’d agreed about a month ago that this would be the day that Alec would release Magnus. It was for the best - Magnus, or rather, his spirit, would be able to move on, and Alec would get to live a longer life.

Still…

“I wish you could stay,” Alec murmured quietly, “I know it’s wrong, but I wish you would stay here with me.”

“ _Ask me_ , then. I’d stay if you asked me to, as selfish as it would be of me,” Magnus replied, even quieter. “Alexander, _tell me_ to stay, _please_.”

“No,” Alec said and Magnus’s face fell. A tear rolled down his cheek and Alec reached up to wipe it away. “I can’t. I’ve kept you here long enough. You’ve waited long enough.”

“I can wait more, then.” He sounded desperate.

“Go, Magnus. Go and wait for me there.”

“How do you even know there is a _there_?” Magnus insisted, knowing how silly it was to be so against this now, after how much he'd struggled to get Alec to see that it was the only way. “I thought you were a skeptic.”

“I was until you showed up. But now…” Alec paused, then, “I don’t know that there is a _there_ , as you say, but I don’t know that there _isn’t_ one, either.” He sniffled. “If there is, I’ll find you when I get there.”

“You never make promises you can’t keep, right?”

“That’s right.”

“So promise me.”

Not waiting a single second, Alec said, “I promise, Magnus. I _will_ find you.”

Magnus leaned in and kissed him, tasting salt on his own lips from the tears that kept falling. Alec wrapped one arm around his waist, pulling him closer, his hand fisting in Magnus’s shirt. His other went to the man’s neck, feeling the pulse that beat, or better, raced, in sync with his own. 

Magnus’s own hands were holding him by the hips, squeezing hard enough to leave bruises, not that Alec minded. After Magnus was gone, he would need something to remind him that all this had been real. That this _was_ real.

“Alexander, I---,” Magnus hummed against his lips, the rest of his sentence interrupted by Alec kissing him again. Pulling back to look him in the eyes, he saw the shimmer of tears in them. He started again, this time finishing the sentence. “Alexander, _I love you_.”

Alec shut his eyes tightly, biting his lip, before opening them to look at Magnus, those tears spilling out like a dam had broken. “I love you, too, Magnus.”

Winding his arms around Alec’s neck, Magnus went to kiss him again. Before he could, though, Alec whispered, “ _I release you_ ,” only then firmly pressing his lips to Magnus’s one last time.

Those lips were the first thing he felt disappearing. He pulled back and opened his eyes just in time to see Magnus’s open as well, his face torn between panic and relief. His entire body started changing, becoming transparent, spectral. Alec stayed, unmoving, unblinking, until there was no one in front of him anymore, until his hand fell from where it had rested on Magnus’s neck, until the heat of Magnus’s body next to his turned into the cool air of his apartment, and that was when the pain hit. Not the pain of saying goodbye, but that of his life force slamming back into him. He fell to his knees and clutched at his chest, struggling to breathe. It hurt even more than it had when that same life force was leaving him to go to Magnus.

He stayed on the floor, panting, for several minutes, before his breathing went back to normal, his heartrate stabilizing.

He could sense a thought scratching at the back of his mind, a thought that didn’t feel like his own. He tugged at it until it made itself clear.

 _Alexander. There_ is _a there._


	8. Alternate Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an alternate ending that follows Chapter 7 up until when Magnus starts disappearing, written mostly because some really nice people were heartbroken after the original one, and I don’t like making people sad. So here you go, I hope this helps! :D
> 
> (I still prefer Ch7 as the actual ending, though.)

***

 _“Alexander, I---,” Magnus hummed against his lips, the rest of his sentence interrupted by Alec kissing him again. Pulling back to look him in the eyes, he saw the shimmer of tears in them. He started again, this time finishing the sentence. “Alexander,_ I love you _.”_

_Alec shut his eyes tightly, biting his lip, before opening them to look at Magnus, those tears spilling out like a dam had broken. “I love you, too, Magnus.”_

_Winding his arms around Alec’s neck, Magnus went to kiss him again. Before he could, though, Alec whispered, “_ I release you _,” only then firmly pressing his lips to Magnus’s one last time._

***

Except it wasn’t _one last time_. They continued kissing for seconds, hours, who knows, until, finally, Magnus pulled back, confusion obvious on his face. 

“What… What’s happening? Or why isn’t anything happening?” 

Alec looked around the room, as if expecting the Grim Reaper to show up out of thin air and strike both of them down. “I… I don’t know.” A bit more glancing around. “Are you sure this was the entire ritual?” 

“That’s what the book said. But it was originally in Greek, something might have gotten lost in translation.” 

“So we’re still tied tog---“ Alec started before being sent to his knees by the sudden pain in his chest. It hurt even more than it had when his life force was leaving him to go to Magnus, who seemed to be feeling it now, too, as his hand shot up to his throat and he fought for air. 

Several minutes later, though, the pain receded, and they looked at each other, even more bewildered than they’d previously been. 

Magnus helped Alec up to his feet and wiped away the remnants of tears from his cheeks. Alec caught his wrist then, moving his thumb across the veins in a comforting gesture, accidentally feeling his pulse. 

“Magnus,” he said, slightly alarmed. “Magnus, your heart is racing.” 

“Yeah, I’m nervous. And worried, and scared and---”

“No, listen to me,” Alec interrupted him. “ _Your_ heart is racing. But _mine isn’t_.” 

That got Magnus’s attention. “You mean…?”

“I don’t think we’re bound anymore.” 

“But I’m still here.” 

“Are you complaining?” Alec inquired, uncertain. 

“Of course not!” Magnus assured him with a quick peck on the lips. “I just don’t understand it.”

Alec wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close and whispering into his hair, “Right now, I don’t care.” 

 

A few days passed and everything seemed normal. Well, as normal as it could be when you were someone who had been alive during the 18th century and was then resurrected in the 21st. Normal was quite relative, wasn’t it? Anyway, everything seemed normal.

But Magnus couldn’t really let it go. He shouldn’t be here. The ritual hadn’t worked. It had, but it _hadn’t_. The book he’d found it in said that he would disappear out of existence after Alec said the words. And yet, here he was. He didn’t want to leave, obviously, but he was curious. 

Alec knew how much it bothered Magnus. So he tracked down the book, both the original Greek version and the English translation. He couldn’t read Greek, of course, but there had to be someone who could. After some digging and a few unsuccessful inquiries, he found that someone. The man whose name Alec couldn’t even pronounce was a professor at a nearby university, and was fluent in many languages, including the ancients. 

“Magnus? Remember that e-mail I sent about the spell? I got a reply!” 

“What does it say?” Magnus asked, basically running into the room. 

Alec started reading. 

“ _Mr. Lightwood,_  
_Firstly, thank you for your interest in my work._  
_Now, onto the subject at hand._  
_I’ve looked through both versions of the spell you sent me, and, not to sound condescending, but whoever wrote the English version must have used Google Translate. The translation is nowhere near the actual meaning._  
_What the ritual promises_ is _that the spirit will be disconnected from the person who performed the original incantation, but it does not say that it will go to the afterlife. Instead, it states that ‘_ the invoked entity will move to where it most wishes it could be _.’_  
_Of course, for most wandering souls, that place_ would be _some sort of an afterlife, be it heaven or nirvana or anything else they believe in. For some, it could be_ this _plane of existence, if there was something or someone they couldn’t bear to leave._  
_Kind regards and best of luck._  
_P.S. Say ‘hello’ to the spirit you invoked._ ”

Magnus’s eyes were wide. “You told him about me?” 

“No. But I did describe a very specific situation, he must have guessed.” 

“Wait, let me read that again,” Magnus said, taking the laptop from Alec’s lap. He scanned over the text. “Huh. I mean, it _is_ true.” 

“What is?”

“That I ended up where I most wanted to be.” 

That seemed to have caught Alec by surprise. “You really wanted to stay with me more than you wanted to be free?” 

“I _am_ free, Alec. And so are you, now. I just really wanted us to be free together,” Magnus said, hearing the sappiness in the words, but not caring in the slightest. 

Alec didn’t seem to care about it, either. “I guess we’re not going to find out if there is a _there_ ,” he said, remembering what they’d talked about before they were unbound. 

“I don’t know if there is a _there_ ,” Magnus repeated Alec’s words. After a second, he added, “But there _is_ a _here_.” 


End file.
